I've been posting my fiction on AdultFanFiction.net and HP fandom to get some more reviews and I've been rereading the earlier chapters as I've been posting them. I think they were much more nicely written than these later ones because I went over them and over them and I'm tempted to take longer with these ones have enough time to go over them and over them as well. I think I would get murdered though. Before I submfit to a final website where I can't edit them anymore I will try to fix them up and make them prettier.
I also finally added that section to chapter 7 that one of you suggested to me long, long ago. Harry attempts to steal a poisonous seed, Snape catches him at it and warns him never to try it again, and he places it back.
I have three betas right now, Jessica, yivel, and an anon one, who are all very good and who I hope to have for a while. Thanks for everyone who helped me during my betaless period. Feel free to point out mistakes or things you think I should add/change.
Harry dreamt that Ginny left him for Draco.
“I’ll kill him for you,” Snape offered as he brewed a stew. “I have many poisons.”
“No, I will win her back on my own,” Harry insisted as he tried to find something on which to write a note to Ginny. “Don’t we have any pens or quills in our house?”
“Don’t send her a note. Give her a gift.”
“What should I get her?” Harry asked.
“Flowers. Girls like flowers,” Snape declared.
“D’you have any?”
“Follow me.” Snape led him out to their garden.
“Nothing poisonous,” Harry reminded him.
“Not for Ginny,” Snape agreed as he began to collect flowers.
Harry spotted some beautiful white flowers with curled petals. “What about these?”
“Poisonous.”
“These?” He pointed to bright yellow flowers.
“Poisonous.”
“Did you fill the entire garden with poisonous plants?” Harry asked suspiciously.
“And these.” Snape pressed a bouquet of red roses and carnations into Harry’s hands.
“They’re beautiful,” Harry breathed. “She’ll love them.”
“And if she doesn’t, we’ll kill him,” Snape assured him.
Harry took off on his broom for the Malfoy estate. Draco turned into a dragon and tried to burn him off his broom, but Harry dove and soared and flew circles around the confused Animagus until he managed to fly in through an open window. The manor was like a maze and Draco was burning down walls to try to kill Harry when he finally found Ginny imprisoned in the dungeons.
“Oh Harry!” She threw her arms around him and he flew away with her on his broom. The castle started to collapse around them and she grabbed him tightly. “We’ll never make it out alive!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll save you!” he declared as he weaved through the falling wreckage and burst out into open air.
“You did it, Harry! You did it!” Ginny squealed in delight, hugging and kissing him lovingly.
Ecstatic, Harry floated to the ground where Snape was standing beside the now-dead dragon.
“I had to triple the dosage but it proved most efficacious,” Snape said.
Harry thrust the flowers towards Ginny. “I’ve done all of this for you.”
“They’re beautiful....” she gasped. “I’ll never leave you again, Harry! I don’t know what I was thinking.” Her eyes filled with tears.
“It’s okay. I’ll always love you, no matter what,” he assured her.
“Let’s have sex,” she suggested.
“Okay,” he eagerly agreed.
“Not on my dragon,” Snape insisted.
Harry woke suddenly, propelling himself upright before he knew what had awakened him. Snape stepped through the bars and spelled food on the table.
“I have a meeting to attend,” he informed Harry as he pulled a book out from his robes and placed it on the table. “Remain nude and hide the book if anyone should approach. I do not know how long I will be.”
“Okay,” Harry answered sleepily. He lay back against the blankets as Snape strode off. A meeting? Were they discussing bringing him out before the public? Harry hoped so; he would be able to escape for sure.
He slid out of bed and padded over to the table, sleepily pulling the plate of kippers towards him as he sat down. The book rested on the corner of the table and he picked it up. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. He hoped it wasn’t old and boring like some of the other works Snape had selected for him. He was too tired to read, so he carried it over to hide under his mattress before returning to the table to finish off his breakfast. Harry was still exhausted when he had cleared his plates, so he returned to his bed to sleep.
~
Harry was unsure how long he had slept when he woke. Since he did not know when he had last seen Snape, and Snape hadn’t been sure how long he would be away, Harry exercised in his cell until his muscles were sore. He bathed himself in the sink and then completed his morning routine. He looked around his small room once he had finished. He hated being in his cell for long periods of time. There wasn’t anything for him to do other than exercise, read, wank, or sleep. At the Dursleys’, he would daydream when he couldn’t do anything else, but here he always wanted to be productive. He hated not having anything to do. He didn’t want to wank when Death Eaters could come in any moment, he was far too awake to sleep, and he didn’t feel like reading, even though he had got a new book. He debated exercising more, but he hoped to be able to train later today and he wanted to be in top form for that.
He made his bed and then used his toilet paper to clean the sink and loo, flushing the used tissues down the toilet when he was finished. He washed his hands and then lined up his toiletries in an orderly row.
When Snape still hadn’t shown up after he’d tidied up his cell, he had to admit defeat and pulled out his new book to read. It was far more interesting than most of the books he had been given and he was on the fourth chapter before he became too hungry and too bored to continue the story.
What was taking the Death Eaters so long? Snape had had meetings before, but none that ran as long as this. Based on how hungry Harry felt, he estimated that at least seven hours had passed since he had been served breakfast. They must be discussing something very important.
Harry paced restlessly in his cell as he planned. He and Snape should develop a secret method of communicating with each other. They could use references to books, like they had done with Billy Budd, in order to alert each other to their plans while out in front of other Death Eaters. No, no, he wasn’t expected to speak as a slave. If he started talking in front of them, even to Snape, they would grow suspicious of him. Harry shook his head and bit his fingernails.
Hand signals were better. Perhaps they could do both? Yes, that would be perfect! They would have a few words that could be used in times of emergencies or when they could not communicate through hand signals. Harry climbed off his bed onto the floor and knelt in his customary gesture of complete submission. His legs were tucked up under him and his forehead pressed to the floor between his elbows. He normally placed his palms flat on the floor with the fingers touching. He practised subtly shifting the way his fingers were arranged on the floor in front of him as he repeatedly raised and lowered his forehead. He could communicate like this.
“What are you doing?” Snape asked in a befuddled tone.
Harry startled and jumped to his feet. He hadn’t heard Snape enter, and it unnerved him to see Snape standing on the other side of the bars, the line between his eyebrows heavy.
“How the hell do you do that?” Harry demanded as he walked over to him. “I didn’t hear you enter.”
“I was masking my footsteps,” Snape informed him as if it were something he commonly practised. He stepped through the bars and tapped the table with his wand. “What were you doing?”
“I was thinking that we should have a secret language.” Harry took his chair.
Snape’s eyebrows shot up. “Potter, this is-”
“Just hear me out,” Harry requested and ploughed on before Snape could interrupt again. “Not necessarily a verbal language, although I think we should develop a few phrases too. I was thinking of a sort of sign language that we can use to communicate. For example, when I kneel I can put my right hand over my left hand to show that I am ready to do whatever is needed.” Harry demonstrated. “And left over right can mean that I have too much blood loss or I am in too much pain to do any sort of fighting or dodging. And maybe I could call you ‘Master’ when I am injured and unable to kneel and show you with my hands, and ‘Professor’ when I am fine. Or maybe vice versa. And-”
“That is unnecessary. In fact, the fewer methods of communication between us, the better off we will both be. We should be casting less suspicion on ourselves, not more.” Snape Summoned his mug and lunch for himself.
“But when they bring me out-”
“If that will happen, it be won’t anytime soon,” Snape interrupted.
“Then why were you gone for so long?” asked Harry, frustrated.
Snape arched an eyebrow at him. “It is none of your business what I do while away from you.”
“Was there even a meeting?” Harry asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowing.
“There was,” Snape confirmed. “However, if you think a conclusion on what to do with you was reached in that short amount of time-”
“Short?!”
“Don’t interrupt.” Snape fixed him with a glare. Harry shoved a huge chunk of roll in his mouth to stop himself from talking back and getting a lecture on how he needed to think before he spoke. He waited for Snape to continue, and finally the older wizard obliged him.
“Having questionable morals does not compel individuals to become more efficient. As a matter of fact, I tend to find the reverse occurs, as compromises are nearly impossible to reach among individuals who care only for personal gain. Not all of the Death Eaters are convinced that you are broken and are reluctant to give you even the slightest chance of escape. Of the ones who believed your charade to be representative of your true state of mind, there are several differing opinions on what should be done with you. The Dark Lord deigned to pick his favourite of the many options presented before him.”
Harry watched Snape butter his roll as he waited for him to continue. When Snape remained focused on his roll, Harry burst out, “And? What did they decide? What’s going to happen?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” said Snape dismissively.
“Tomorrow?! Why not today?” Harry was confused. Snape never was very forthcoming, but he usually didn’t hide information like he was doing right now.
“It will take some time to explain, and I’d rather you have time to train today. It is better for you to train half a day today and tomorrow than none today, and all day tomorrow,” Snape explained.
“Oh … Okay,” Harry agreed, although he was rather curious why Snape felt the need to take half a day to explain what had happened at the meeting instead of just giving him a summary. He was tempted to insist on full training tomorrow so that he could have the story today, but being locked in his cell for so long made him restless and he was itching to get out and run around.
Snape remained distracted the whole meal. He focused on his plate and ate so methodically and robotically that Harry had the feeling he had forgotten there was another person in the room. Harry waited impatiently for him to finish his meal.
Finally, Snape sent away their dishes and stood, striding out of the cell without a comment or glance to Harry to make sure he was being followed. Harry scrambled after him, a bit unnerved by Snape’s distraction. He didn’t know if it was a good or bad sign for Snape to be so deep in thought. He hoped that it meant they were close to the final battle.
“Did they agree on anything?” Harry asked as Snape remained silent while setting up the exercise in the throne room.
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.” Snape held out the laser pointer and Harry took it. “Aim for the Death Eaters while you avoid the balls that represent spells.”
“Will you be participating too?” Harry asked, frowning.
“No.” Snape flicked his wand and Harry had to move out of the way to avoid being hit by a ball. He raced to the centre of the room and weaved and dodged as he took out the fake Death Eaters. Snape had only spells four spells shooting at him at a time. Harry was much more skilled at aiming in the larger room with fewer projectiles racing towards him. He forced himself to keep on the move, more to learn how to target while running than to avoid the balls.
Snape let the exercise run on longer than he normally did, and finally, it was Harry who stopped the round, plopping to the floor to catch his breath when his muscles began to grow sore.
“That is enough for today,” said Snape as if he had stopped the workout himself. He sent the balls away and led Harry down to the bathroom.
“Can’t you tell me before I go to sleep?” Harry asked dying to know what had Snape so distracted.
“I will tell you tomorrow after breakfast,” Snape said as he retrieved the muscle potion from the spelled cabinet for Harry and took his chair without removing a book from his robes.
“Is it bad?” Harry had to ask, mentally crossing his fingers in the hope that it wasn’t.
“Is what bad?” Snape frowned at him, meeting Harry’s eyes for the first time in hours.
“What you won’t tell me.”
Snape snapped out of it. “Take your shower,” he ordered his voice as cool as ever. He pulled his book out from his robes. “I will tell you in the morning.”
Harry turned on the water and let it flow over him. Snape had better tell him first thing in the morning, or he’d refuse to train or do anything productive until he learned what the Death Eaters had decided in their meeting. Harry was dying of curiosity and he wondered how he’d ever be able to sleep that night.
Once he was clean, he stepped out of the shower and spread a towel out on the floor. Snape helped him massage the potion into his back, his fingers moving in methodical strokes.
“I have noticed that you are far more alert on days before which you slept in the cupboard. You will need all the rest you can get for tomorrow. If you would like, I will set up the blankets for you tonight,” Snape offered.
“Yeah, could you?” Harry asked eagerly.
“Of course.” Snape washed his hands in the sink, and then led Harry back to his cell.
He spelled dinner on the table before using magic to strip the bed of the linens. He floated the sheets out of the cell and followed them down to the laundry while Harry ate his fish stew. He spent a while in the laundry room and only returned when Harry was mostly finished with his meal.
“I have prepared the cupboard for you.”
“Okay, thanks.” Harry finished off his stew.
After he had completed his evening routine, he followed Snape to the cupboard. Snape had already filled it with blankets and pillows and Harry crawled in and curled up in the covers.
“You know what to do if you need me,” Snape reminded him.
“Yeah. ’Night.” Harry closed his eyes and rested against the sheets.
Snape closed the door. The training must’ve worn him out more than he thought because once he had adjusted the sheets to his liking, he found himself very tired and it wasn’t long before he drifted off.
~
Harry awoke when Snape opened the cupboard door in the morning.
“Good morning!” Harry cheerily said as he crawled out of the mess of blankets and stretched. “I haven’t slept so well in quite some time. What happened in the meeting yesterday?”
“I’ll inform you after breakfast.” Snape led him back into his cell which had obviously been cleaned the night before. He Summoned breakfast while Harry examined his new toothpaste and toiletries before running his hands over the clean sheets.
“I think I will get sheets like these when I have a home,” Harry commented absently, admiring the vividness of the crimson. He expected Snape to make some derogatory comment about Gryffindors, and when none came, he turned back to find Snape sitting at the table drinking his tea. Spread out on Harry’s side were more dishes than Harry was normally given for breakfast. The only other time he had been given so many foods was the day after Snape had raped him.
Harry hurried over to the table and examined the dishes. The typical breakfast fare was close to his seat, but Snape had also included the hearty chicken stew Harry favoured along with mangoes and TREACLE TARTS! Harry immediately grabbed the plate that had his favourite food on it and yanked it towards himself. There were two of them, both the size of his palm.
“If you had ice cream then I’d be in heaven,” he declared before taking a big bite out of one. It was just as delicious as he remembered and he closed his eyes as he savoured the sensation. Treacle tarts were a bit better than fresh mangoes but not by much. He ate them first, feeling disappointed when he had swallowed the last bite. Finally, he dug into the rest of his meal. “Why did you give me so much food?”
“You have a busy day ahead of you,” Snape answered.
“I thought we were just going to be talking about what happened yesterday for hours?” Harry asked as he attacked his omelette.
“That will not take the entire time.” Snape calmly sipped his tea, for once, not glaring at Harry for making a mess. Harry didn’t think he’d ever get used to not having a fork or knife.
Harry ate almost everything before he finally had to give in. Snape sent the remainders of the food and the dishes away.
“You may feel you are ready to go before the Dark Lord but I do not,” Snape began, holding his mug tightly. “I feel that it would be most prudent to wait until after we have destroyed all the Horcruxes before you confront him. As the Dark Lord has been very careful to keep Nagini well away from you, I feel fairly certain that she is a Horcrux. Even if I were to poison her, we would still need to find the last Horcrux before you face him. I have been told that there has been suspicious activity at Hogwarts these last few weeks among the students, but that may be due more to end of the year pressures than efforts of Miss Granger and Mr Weasley. As far as I am aware, they are still hunting the last Horcrux. I feel fairly confident that one of my sources would reveal their success if they were to have any.”
Harry grinned. He was quite proud of his two best friends. They had carried on admirably without him, more so than he had ever dared to hope. He felt a bit of guilt that he hadn’t been there to help them, but considering how spectacularly they had done, it didn’t seem as if they needed his guidance.
Snape continued, “Until they are successful or we locate the final Horcrux ourselves, I believe it is imperative that we continue the path we have set ourselves along. You should continue to focus on training your body and mind. I do not know if I will be able to procure a wand that will be compatible with your magic, or if you will be able to take one by force that will bend to your will, so we will assume that you will be without. I will continue to train you in both dodging and aiming.”
Harry nodded to show he understood. He had predicted that he would be forced to go into the final battle without a wand before, so he wasn’t too concerned when Snape said that he would probably be without one.
“Equally important as your physical training, you must also be mentally prepared. You have progressed better than I had hoped in regards to controlling your emotions and playing your part. However, I still see your anger flair up despite your attempts at control and you have not perfected your role as submissive slave yet.”
Harry had to admit that Snape was right. He had gotten a million times better but he was far from perfect. “I know. I’m trying. I’ll have it soon.”
Snape pressed his lips into a thin line. “I’m afraid that isn’t good enough. At the meeting yesterday, it was decided that you should be put to the test.” His black eyes shifted to meet Harry’s. “Tonight, Lucius Malfoy will attempt to determine if you have been broken and will try to break you if you have not.”
Harry’s heartbeat suddenly overwhelmed him. For several minutes he could do nothing but sit there and stare at Snape while his ears rang with the sounds of his heart pumping. Snape’s expression was neutral, as it often was in the throne room.
“Test me?” Harry finally managed to say. His throat was dry and he wished Snape hadn’t cleared his cups of juice. It took him several dry swallows before he managed to add, “What will he do?”
Snape slowly shook his head. “He wishes it to be a surprise for the Dark Lord. I have implored the Dark Lord to have Malfoy reveal his intentions to me so that I may know what potions to brew, but he has declared that he doesn’t intend to hurt you physically.”
Although escape was always in the back of Harry’s mind, it had never been as pressing as it suddenly was. He gripped the table tightly. “You must get me out of here. You have to help me escape.”
Snape’s eyes bored into Harry’s. “No, this you must do. This you will do.”
“I can’t. I can’t.” Harry shook his head. “What if he breaks me?”
“He won’t,” said Snape firmly. “You have performed impeccably these last few days. You will get through this. Bend for him, and you will be fine. Let him play his games while you keep yourself tightly locked up as you did when the Dark Lord tortured you to near death.”
“That was different,” Harry explained, suddenly aware that he was digging his fingers into the table so hard he was hurting himself. He quickly released his hands so Snape wouldn’t get in trouble. “It was physical pain. I can’t do it for psychological pain.”
“You have more control over your mind than your body,” Snape argued. “Think of it as dodging. You wouldn’t have been able to dodge five spells at once while blindfolded if you had focused on the fact you were blindfolded. You have already proven yourself in smaller challenges related to this. You have all the skills necessary to succeed at this crucial task.”
“I need more time to practise,” Harry insisted. “Can’t you get me a few more days? I can’t be ready by tonight. That’s way too soon.”
“The Dark Lord wishes to bring you out as soon as possible but he will not do that until he is sure that you are broken. If you want to be taken from here, then you must do this. Besides, you can accomplish this. Just remember what I’ve taught you and you will be fine. Do not fight him, no matter what he says or does. Be compliant to him and obey his wishes. Every time you wish to fight, beg instead,” Snape suggested.
Harry stared at him, not knowing what to say. Despite Snape’s insistence, he didn’t think he was ready for this.
Snape stood. “I must check on my potions. Think over what I have said.”
Harry remained stationary as he listened to Snape’s retreating footsteps. He finally forced his limbs to move and carry him to the bed. He slid under the sheets and lay against the pillow, feeling as though if he went to sleep, he could start this whole miserable day over.
He wasn’t reassured by Snape’s conviction that he had the ability to withstand Malfoy’s torture. Psychological pain was different than physical pain. Snape had reason to step in and prevent Harry from being physically damaged, but what excuse could he come up with to prevent Harry from being psychologically damaged? Harry tried to remember how he had built the incredibly sturdy mental walls he had made before but he didn’t know how he had managed to do it. Was it possible that his magic had been returned to him for a short while?
The worst part was that neither of them knew what Malfoy was planning. There were so many things he could do to Harry. Harry wasn’t scared of rape anymore, but he didn’t think Malfoy had that inclination. No, Malfoy would do something worse, much worse. Thinking of various forms of torture only made Harry feel sick. Determined not to lose his breakfast, Harry forced the thoughts from his mind.
He could do this. He would do this. He would do what Snape suggested and bend completely for Malfoy. He would not put up any resistance. Malfoy probably wanted Harry to fight him so that he would be able to torture him longer. If Harry put up no resistance and pretended to be broken, then Malfoy would have to stop, right? That’s why they were doing this, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to continue to try to break him after they thought the deed had been done.
Harry was still curled up on his bed when Snape stepped into the hallway. Harry remained in his spot, staring at the wall.
“I assume your desire to see my owl has not diminished,” Snape said stiffly.
“No.” Harry turned to look at the Potions Master and jumped to his feet when he saw what was perched on the man’s arm: an owl!
“Sit down or you will scare her,” Snape ordered, glaring in disapproval at Harry who was standing on his bed. Harry immediately scrambled over to the side, barely able to contain his excitement.
Snape strode in through the bars and pulled out a chair for the bird to perch on. “This is Strix.”
Harry thought fast. He’d never be able to tie his message to the owl if Snape remained in the room. “D’you have any owl treats for her?”
“Yes, I will fetch some for you.” Snape left.
Harry listened carefully for Snape’s footsteps. Once he was sure Snape was on the stairs, he rushed to his bed, pushed up the mattress and retrieved the letter. With trembling fingers, he approached the owl who blinked at him curiously. She was beautiful, with soft looking feathers. Stripes of white and brown streaked down her torso and around her large black eyes. She was rather short and plump looking.
“Hi Strix. I’m Harry Potter,” Harry said when he had finally found his voice. “I have a letter for you.” He pushed up her feathers and tied it around the very top of her leg. “Please take this to Ron Weasley or Hermione Granger. If you can’t find them, take it to Ginny Weasley. And please, please, whatever you do, don’t show anyone else, not even Snape.” He smoothed her feathers down so that the letter was completely covered up. He was lucky she was heavyset the letter was entirely hidden under her thick feathers, even when she stretched out her legs and flapped her wings in agreement. “Thank you so much. This means a lot to me.”
He petted her softly, smiling at her. “I miss my bird, Hedwig. She died. She was killed by Death Eaters. You probably don’t have to worry about that since you are Snape’s, but you should still be careful.”
She bobbed her head as if she understood and agreed.
“You know, you are the first creature I’ve seen in months that I don’t have to fear might kill me,” he informed her as he continued to stroke her feathers. “Rather pathetic, isn’t it?” He heard Snape’s footsteps approach. “Remember, please don’t show the letter to anyone else but Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, or Ginny Weasley.”
Snape stepped into the hallway with a small bag of owl treats. He handed them to Harry who opened the bag and offered them to Strix. She greedily snatched them from his palm, gulping them down.
“I like her a lot,” he told Snape. “I would have thought you would have an owl more like you but she’s really quite different.”
“Don’t give her the entire bag. She’s supposed to be on a diet.” Snape frowned at him.
“He can be such a git, can’t he?” Harry whispered to her and she clicked her beak in agreement.
“Come along, Strix,” Snape ordered.
Harry petted her. “Better go so you don’t get in trouble,” he acknowledged.
She nipped his fingers affectionately and then flew over to perch on Snape’s arm, her head twisting back to look at Harry as Snape carried her from the room.
Harry felt confident that she’d deliver his letter for him. Ron and Hermione would know what happened to him and may even be able to help him break out of here. He could do this. He could play the submissive slave for Malfoy if he needed to. Even if they couldn’t come help him and he had to break out entirely on his own, Harry felt more confident than he had for quite some time. His friends would know now that he hadn’t abandoned them and was working his hardest to be reunited with them. They had defied all odds and expectations in their ability to hunt down the Horcruxes on their own, and it was time for Harry to prove the worth of his friendship.
When Snape returned to Harry’s cell a bit later, Harry was waiting for him by the bars.
“Is there any training I can do to prepare for tonight?”
Snape looked at him. “There is nothing that you don’t already know. We could practise Occlumency or you may work on dodging.”
“Dodging, I want to do something physical,” Harry quickly responded.
Snape nodded. “We will practise here in case they arrive early.” He flicked his wand and a shaft of green light raced towards Harry who quickly sidestepped to avoid being hit. He raced around his cell while Snape sent spells towards him as quickly as he could.
Harry had the feeling Snape was actually trying to hit him, but Harry had improved to the point where Snape had to really work to land the spell. He had leaned to wait until the spells were close to him before dodging in order to conserve his energy. He avoided perfectly for quite a while before Snape finally hit him with Obscuro.
“Finite Incantatem!” Snape released him from the blindness. “That will be enough for now. I need to return to brewing.” He tapped the table with his wand before leaving.
Harry ate his sandwiches slowly. He had no idea what time the Death Eaters were supposed to arrive that evening, but he hoped it wasn’t soon. He pulled out his new book to distract himself, but he could barely make it through the next chapter before he gave up.
He bit his fingernails as he waited for Snape to return and lead him up to Malfoy. He hated waiting and he hated the fact that he didn’t know what was in store for him. He lay on the floor and did crunches and push-ups until his muscles were sore. He though of escape again, but he knew he would be hunted down the second he stepped out of his prison. And if the Death Eaters couldn’t find him, they would go after his friends instead. This was where he needed to be until they or he found the final Horcrux.
Still, he was having trouble calming himself. When Snape finally stepped through the library door, Harry nearly jumped out of his skin.
“Is Malfoy here?” he asked.
“No, not yet. Sit down.”
Harry sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his fingernails.
“Do you remember what I told you earlier? What will you do for Malfoy?” Snape asked, his voice cool.
“I won’t fight him. I will do what he wants,” Harry nodded, clenching his fists. “It’s just so hard… I feel like I’m giving up. I know that I’m not. But still…I hate not fighting.”
“You won’t give up as long as you continue to fight him. Even if your fight remains unknown to anyone but yourself,” Snape assured him as he took a seat in Harry’s chair. “You may not have control over your situation, but you have control over your mind. As long as you retain authority there, you will have power.”
Harry nodded. “I know. It’s just… that’s what he’s trying to damage. You can stop them from hurting me physically, but I know you can’t stop them from breaking my mind. What if he actually succeeds?”
Snape thought for a moment. “Wait here.” He stood and strode out.
Harry lay back against the sheets.
Snape returned and pushed the chair to the side of the bed. He sat down and lifted the book he was holding in his hand.
“The Best of English Poetry,” he read before opening the book to a well-worn page. “This is by William Ernest Henley. It’s called Invictus, which is Latin for ‘unconquered.’ You may have heard it before, it is rather well known.” He paused and began to read, “Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole… I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed…” His dark eyes met Harry’s before he continued, “Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid… It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll… I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”
Snape closed the book and they sat quietly for a moment.
“They have arrived,” Snape noted softly before he got to his feet and strode from the room.
Harry traced the runes on his cuffs while he sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Snape to return to fetch him. Finally, he heard the footsteps he recognised as the Potions Master’s, and he stood and walked to the bars. Snape wordlessly spelled them open and stood to the side while Harry passed through.
Harry walked up to the throne room with even steps, his back straight. He paused outside the door and looked to Snape for guidance on how to proceed.
“Remember,” said Snape, his intense dark eyes meeting Harry’s. “No matter what happens in there; you must play your part. Promise me that.”
“No matter what happens.” Harry nodded in agreement as he got on his hands and knees.
“Promise me,” Snape insisted.
“I promise.”
Snape opened the door and Harry followed him into the throne room where Malfoy was waiting.
[[ Here's what the species of owl that Strix is looks like. ]]


Comments
I knew something bad was going to happen to Harry. Snape was going to let Harry sleep in the cupboard so that he'd be stronger the next day. He made Harry Treacle Tarts so I knew it had to be something terrible that he was keeping from Harry. He even let Harry see his owl. Snape was treating Harry so carefully, This is a horrible cliffhanger. Please don't tell me we have to wait a week for the next part O.O I feel the need to curl up into a ball, this is so nerve-wrecking.
There is one line that sounds confusing to me:
“I have noticed that you are far more alert on days before which you slept in the cupboard.
I think it might read better if it went "I have noticed that you are far more alert on the days where you have slept in the cupboard the night beforehand." or "the night before".
The word before in your original sentence is in the wrong place. My sentence may not be correct either, but I think this one sentence needs to be changed in some way.
Strix is adorable :)
Edited at 2008-02-05 04:00 am (UTC)
I'm glad that you noticed that! I wasn't sure how obvious it was, but I was hoping that people were thinking "something terrible is going to happen!"
I'll change the sentance.
I was originally tempted to write Snape with a very imposing, evil-looking owl who could fit the Strix of mythology, but then I thought it would be far more interesting if he had a fat, plump, feminine owl who was very friendly. I kept the name just to make the difference more pronounced.
Oh the alarm bells started going off in my head as soon as Snape offered to Harry to make up the bed in the cupboards. Snape thinks its odd that Harry sleeps there, so why offer?
I'm wondering if Snape already guessed that Harry was trying to send a note to Hermione and Ron? If he did, one way to get Harry to stay put would be to allow the note to get out so that Harry wouldn't try running off. It would also give Harry the belief that his friends were still alive out there somewhere if Malfoy is going to use some sort of mental trick that makes Harry believe he's watching his friends tortured or killed. Showing the owl is also a way of giving Harry some hope that he'll be able to escape some day. That having to undergo what Malfoy has planned will not be the end of Harry.
Wonderful chapter *G*
Dixiebell
Someone needs to hold my hand for the next chapter*eek* I can't wait though.
What would be cool,is Harry having sex with Snape, but it's not Snape it's Lucious *drools* or having a threesome with Lucious *drools even more*
Think sex not torture, think sex not torture, I'm finally beginning to calm down *nibbles fingernails* ;)
Hugs
Dixiebell
Sorry we couldn't help but comment back and forth about your delightful story(hugs you)
Am I the only one that would love them to drug Harry up to his eyeballs, have a gangbang, while Harry screams for more.
Everyone raise your hand and then start begging Kibatsu! *I'm doing a Herminone impression at the moment, waves hand*
Edited at 2008-02-05 07:15 am (UTC)
Edited at 2008-02-05 05:43 am (UTC)
I have 43 chapters loosely written. I was originally thinking 50, but there is no way I am going to be able to finish it by 50, so now I am thinking 60-70. I didn't intend this to be a monster! I think it's bigger than Deathly Hallows now. When I really get in them, whole chapters just spring out of nowhere.
And sure! I don't really have the time to read journals right now, so it is unlikely I will be able to comment on any of your entries.
I have to say that the mysteries deepen rather than otherwise :). I still don't understand why Voldy would have wanted Harry and then Snape infected with Avery's STD. I presume that it isn't something uncurable, despite whatever impression Snape gave Avery, but it would seem counter-productive for LV's goals for both of them (i.e. for Harry's body to be his vessel and for Snape to concentrate on the evil potion).
Also, what does it matter whether Harry is properly broken or not if they intend to de-soul him in the near future anyway? Or will it somehow help the procedure?
Snape also seemed ignorant about the Horcruxes until Harry told him, or did he just pretend? This never made sense to me in DH. There are only so many ways to make oneself immortal, after all and Snape was present during the diary drama with Malfoy, not to mention would have see something of it in action in the course of Occlumency lessons with Harry. And he is supposedly a Dark Arts expert, too. His reaction to Harry's idea re: him helping with the search was a bit strange as well. They do need to deal with HC's before confronting Voldy and they may be running out of time.
About LV monitoring Harry's feelings, it seems to me that he doesn't, which is why the DE guards are allowed to torture Harry as long as it leaves no physical trauma. He appears to be monitoring damage to Harry's body instead.
Regarding sex with Snape, I am under impression that Voldy still thinks that Snape feeds Harry the potion in his food. OTOH, it may be a mistake on Snape's part not to spell it out to Harry.
Thanks for the offer to look over a future chapter (I am quite flattered ;) ), but at the moment I am rather unreliable due to RL and I am not a native speaker in any case. Maybe later... The story seems to shape up quite well as it is!
I think the possible answers to your first part are: 1. Voldemort doesn't intend to de-soul Harry and just told that to the Death Eaters so he had an excuse for keeping Harry around and intact without revealing that Harry was a Horcrux.
2. Perhaps these cuffs allow Voldemort to steal and use Harry's magic and that's the real reason he's keeping Harry around. He just told the Death Eaters the other thing to prevent them from figuring out what he's doing.
3. He does intend to de-soul him, but he doesn't plan to ever possess Harry's body for more than a little while so a disease doesn't matter while an injury does.
4. Snape and Voldemort are playing Harry good cop/bad cop and both of them knew Avery hadn't touched Harry and that whole thing was a set up designed to make Harry trust and care for Snape more.
5. Snape has developed a cure for the disease which Voldemort knows about and he was lying to Harry about the reason Voldemort ordered Snape to fuck Harry.
6. Voldemort is an idiot who didn't think ahead.
Or maybe something else.... :)
As for why it matters if Harry is broken or not, I will give a possible answer to that in another few chapters. But a lot of this ties back to what Voldemort's ultimate plans are for Harry.
Snape knew about the Horcruxes before Harry told him. How much, is unclear. But I tried to make it obvious that he wasn't shocked by it and already knew about their existance. How he knew and what he knows you won't find out till later.
What I want you to look over is a question and answer senario. I have Harry ask a bunch of the questions that I think the audience would like to have answered and Snape answer them (not all of them of course and only on a select topic). I can just post it here and if you have any extras that you think Harry would ask at the same time, I can add them after I post it here.
I am glad that your Snape knew about the Horcruxes. He certainly tried to create impression that he didn't know too much about them.
I have to say that only somebody as oblivious as Harry wouldn't have noticed that Snape is particularly nice to him either before or after a terrible ordeal. But it is very much in character, just as him totally missing all the relevant points about "Wuthering Heights".
Hm... and the boy is certainly a bit contradictory. He knows that he can't escape and has to hold out, he has even accepted his very harsh fate to a degree, yet he still hopes that his friends would rescue him...
Oh, and in this case I'll be glad to look at the chapter, only I don't want to spoil myself too much in advance, so don't send it too early, please. I'll email you. What is the chapter number?
Yeah, he did.
Harry is rather oblivious at times. Canon Harry can be very astute in some things and obnoxiously blind in others. In the book he always had these HUGE blinders on when it came to Snape and he always was misinterpreting Snape's actions. He's starting to be cured of that after constant contact with Snape, but if it were someone else doing these things, he would've cottoned on so much quicker.
Yeah.... maybe it's just me, but whenever I've been faced with something I really, really didn't want to do but knew that I must, I go into it with all the strength and determination that I could, but there is always a little part of me that holds onto the hope that something will come and change it and somehow everything will all work out perfectly without me having to do the difficult thing.
I also think a huuuuuge part of that desire is simply the need to see his best friends and to let them know that he's okay and to make sure that they are okay.
Chapter 39. I will wait and then email it to you before I post it.
No, me too. I always hold out hope that I don't have to do the unwelcomed thing that comes up.
Roses have thorns, but I believe carnation petals are edible. It's funny that Snape is giving Harry flowers, even though they're meant for Ginny and some of them are Red Roses :)
Edit Hmm, I'm wondering what if the yellow flower was a Daffodil or Narcissus? But the bulb is the poisonous part, I don't think it's the petals. Narcissus cause numbness of the whole nervous system and paralysis of the heart (botanical.com) That's sort of what a failed love relationship could do also. Hmmmmm.....
Edited at 2008-02-06 02:32 am (UTC)
Which could be a representation of Harry's desire for Snape's love but his refusal to return it.
I think the white flowers were Lily of the Valleys. I know I at least considered them.
I can't, for the life of me, remember what the yellow ones were but I don't think they were Nacrissuses.
I don't know if Harry is refusing Snape's love in the dream. I see it as Harry being so focused on Ginny he can't see how someone feels and they're right in front of him. But of course it's your story so you'll know what it means :)
It's more of a mental refusal to allow himself to love or care for Snape. Make more sense?
I have never read Invictus, and I actually cried. Snape did well to read him that I have a feeling before he goes in to meet Malfoy.
I am off to the next chapter.
You really are doing an amazing job.
And AWW Strix. What a beautiful Owl.
Snape reading the poem to a doomed Harry felt entirely too much like a priest offering strength and comfort to a prisoner about to be executed. The depth of emotion from Snape that it suggests really hit me. I keep wanting Harry to seek comfort from him in times like these, but he never does. It was lovely to see Snape do it voluntarily.
It didn't hurt imagining Alan's voice reading that poem either.
*snivels* *wipes eyes*
I love that poem and I love Alan's voice. I would loooooove to hear Alan recite it.