Home

Advertisement

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Nights of Gethsemane by StarCrossed. (41/61)

  • Jun. 21st, 2008 at 10:28 AM
nights of gethsemane
Work has gotten a bit easier as my coworkers have been browbeaten into properly collecting and entering data. Unfortunately, it reaches over 100F/38C out there. I prefer this type of work but I miss sitting in a nice, air conditioned office most of the time and it isn't just because I get more writing done. I hope you like this chapter. I must've rewrote it a hundred times.




Harry woke well before Snape arrived to serve him breakfast. His torso had been bandaged sometime during the night and he didn't like how the bindings confined his movements. He found the edges and yanked them free, unwrapping himself carefully. As soon as he had stripped off all the bandages, he tested his range of motion delicately, stretching out on his bed. He felt perfectly fine and wondered if the painkiller Snape had given him was still in his system. Whippings normally left him quite sore, but he didn't feel mentally fuzzy like he normally did when under the potion’s influence.

He hoped he'd be able to train for a full session today. The events of the previous evening left him wanting to do some form of hard training where he could lose himself and pour out his anger. He tried to read, but his mind didn't want to focus, so he sat on the floor and continued to stretch as he waited for Snape.

The Potions Master finally entered in a cloud of black, quickly stepping through the bars and spelling breakfast on the table. "Get dressed."

It was an order Harry never expected to hear. "Are we going somewhere?" he asked as he stepped over to his bed and retrieved his clothing from under his mattress.

"There won't be any visitors today," Snape commented as he sat down and conjured tea for himself. He seemed unconcerned that Harry had removed the bandages.

Harry nodded and took his seat after he had finished dressing. He tore into his breakfast hungrily, stuffing the sausages down his throat before asking, "How come I don't hurt?"

"I invented a spell that causes excruciating pain yet fades fairly quickly. You should be completely free of its effects by now," Snape explained.

"That's neat." Harry was dying to learn how to invent spells. He planned on hounding Snape for lessons once his magic was restored to him. "You don't have to make it very painful, you know. I can always fake it, I'm good at that."

Snape didn't say anything in response. He sipped his tea casually, his eyes on Harry's plate.

Harry dug into his omelette. "Have you learned anything new?"

"Of course I have," scoffed Snape. "What do you imagine I do during my spare moments of free time?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Have you learned anything new about the Hallows or the Horcruxes?"

"I have currently set plans in motion in order to obtain ownership of the Elder Wand, should it still be in young Malfoy's possession. His parents have agreed to allow him to visit for weekly tutoring."

"Brilliant." Harry grinned at him. "D'you think you could train both of us at the same time?"

"Don't be stupid," Snape answered dismissively. "He's-"

"I don't mean it like that. You could have him cast spells on me."

"I knew what you meant, and don't interrupt," Snape said sharply. "As I've told you countless times, it is better you remain away from the other Death Eaters, even relatively harmless ones such as Draco. Can't you eat without spilling food everywhere?"

"It's very difficult to eat omelettes with a spoon," Harry informed him through gritted teeth.

"I'm sure even a simpleton like you could manage to figure it out if you actually tried."

Harry wanted to mouth back to the git or punch him in his huge nose again, but he suspected Snape wanted him to lose his temper. He forced his anger down and focused on his meal, determined to show Snape he was in control of his emotions. He finished his breakfast and Snape waited impatiently by the bars while Harry rushed through his morning routine. The Potions Master strode out of the cell and Harry hurried after him.

"Why did you use Muffliato on me last night?"

"The Dark Lord would have expected it. Besides, it would be best for you to not overhear comments about yourself. You might lose your temper." Snape led him into the practice room which once again contained its normal collection of furniture.

"Look, just because I lose my temper around you doesn't mean I'll lose it around them," Harry insisted as he watched Snape spell the balls. "Didn't you see how well I performed last night?"

Snape's back was towards Harry as he waved his wand and the balls started flying around the walls of the room. "I did," he answered tersely. "But you still need work." He flicked his wand, and the attack began.

Harry twisted out of the way of three of the balls and began to weave around the room. Snape spelled anywhere from three to eight balls to attack him at once and it was quite a challenging exercise. Harry was determined to prove his mastery of any task Snape gave him, so he pushed himself as hard as he could, dodging and evading as if his life depended on it. He had become quite adept at avoiding the projectiles by the time he needed to stop for a break.

"I need to rest or else my lungs are going to hurt," he informed the other wizard as he sat down and five balls quickly smacked into him. Snape stopped the exercise immediately and put down the book he was reading.

"Do you need any painkillers?"

"No." Harry shook his head. "Not right now." He tugged on his shirt to fan himself. Even though he had put on antiperspirant that morning, he felt very sweaty. He was used to practising without any clothes and he found that now he didn't like them much. If he had something tight to wear over his crotch, then he might prefer it, but his pyjama bottoms were loose and only got in the way. He stripped off his shirt and was about to remove his bottoms when Snape spoke up.

"What are you doing?" Snape asked in a rough tone.

"I'm all sweaty," Harry complained. "I've got used to training naked and I prefer it now."

"Put your shirt back on," Snape ordered sharply. "It's foolish of you to assume that you will be nude for the final battle."

"I wasn't assuming that," Harry protested. "I can dodge in clothes fine, I just hate feeling sweaty."

"You will wear them and that's final," insisted Snape with a glare.

Harry had been trying to ignore Snape's nasty remarks and dirty looks all morning but at that comment his patience ended and the urge to attack Snape suddenly flooded through him. Instead, he dug his fingers into the carpet to stop himself from hitting the other wizard. "You know….you don't have to try to train me to control my temper all the time. I'm actually quite good at it when I need to be."

"If you are rested, you should return to your training." Snape flicked his wand and the balls began their dance about the room once more.

Harry resolutely stood and began to practise. He poured out his anger at Snape into his training, so by the time the Potions Master stopped the exercise for lunch; Harry knew his legs would hurt if he continued the lessons.

"My muscles are sore," he informed Snape when the wizard stepped back into the room, floating a lunch tray behind him. "I don't think I'll be able to do a second session."

"Then you will aim," Snape said simply.

Harry dug into his steak and kidney pie with relish. "If you do manage to take ownership of the Elder Wand from Draco, are you going to transfer it to me? What happens if Voldemort gets the Wand but you have control of it? Should we try to take it from him?"

"That will depend on the circumstances in which we approach the final battle," answered Snape. "I will decide closer to the final event."

Harry frowned. "You don't know what we're going to do, do you?"

"Of course I do," Snape retorted in a curt voice. "It would be incredibly stupid to develop a single plan and expect the Dark Lord to conform to it. I have devised several different plans to account for the actions the Dark Lord is most likely to carry out."

"And once the final Horcrux is found and destroyed, you'll pick the one you want to use?" Harry guessed.

"Precisely." Snape nodded.

Harry was dying to hear the details of the plans but he knew Snape wouldn't have changed his opinion about Harry's control since yesterday. If anything, today he seemed more irritable than ever.

"What were you and the other Death Eaters talking about at the party last night?" Harry asked. "What are they planning?"

"That's not your concern," Snape informed him firmly.

"I think it is my concern," Harry answered sharply, his anger rising although he hid it as best he could. "Especially since you said they were talking about me."

"I'm sure even you have the ability to imagine what sorts of comments were being passed around," Snape sneered.

Harry thought of the Death Eater who called him a slag while forcing Harry to suck him off. He could imagine what they'd said just fine. He stared at his mostly finished plate. "So … does that mean Voldemort thinks I'm broken?"

"I don't believe so. He didn't bring Nagini with him, which suggests to me that he still retains doubts about you," Snape pointed out.

"We'll just have to come up with more ways to try to convince him then," Harry said confidently. "I can take anything now. The only way they can really hurt me is by going after my friends."

"Finish your meal and return to your training." Snape stood and sent away the empty dishes before he left the practice room.

Harry frowned as he watched the older wizard leave. Why was Snape in such a foul mood? Harry suspected the dinner party hadn't gone as planned. He didn't understand why Snape was so reluctant to share details of what went on among the Death Eaters with him. Harry had the feeling he was being kept in the dark as much as possible and only told the bare minimum of what he needed to know. While he had been fairly hot tempered before, he thought he'd improved dramatically and could now be trusted with more knowledge of the plans. It infuriated him how little Snape told him. This was his life and possibly his death. To face Voldemort in battle would be the most important thing he'd ever do in his entire life and he needed to know as much as possible about the circumstances surrounding his future. He could think of no reason for Snape to continue to hide information from him other than lack of trust.

Harry knew he'd proven his self control, time and time again in the throne room. What more did Snape want from him? What else could he do to convince Snape he wasn't brash and reckless anymore? Harry did admit he'd probably always be a bit hot-headed and doubted he'd ever be as unreadable as Snape was most of the time. However, he thought he was a pretty good Occlumens, even if he didn't Occlude his mind the way Snape taught him. Hiding behind his walls worked well for him and Snape admitted he didn't have any idea how he managed to Occlude without using magic. Didn't that imply that Harry could possibly be an Occlumens to rival Snape if he did it entirely without magic?


Snape returned with the laser pointer and tossed it to Harry, who deftly shot up his free hand and caught it. Snape spelled away the chain from Harry's cuff before setting up the training room for aiming practice.

Harry was determined to get some straight answers from Snape; however, he knew this wasn't the time to press the issue. He'd wait until Snape was in a better mood and then he'd lay out his argument logically so the other wizard couldn't refuse him. He remembered Snape once argued that since Harry kept secrets from him, he could keep secrets from Harry. In order to help quicken their progress together, Harry'd given up his secrets, but Snape hadn't done the same. It wasn't right and Harry was determined to balance the scales.

He began aiming as soon as Snape returned to his seat to read. His skill at this task had greatly improved and he grew bored after a few hours. "Is there some other form of training I could do that doesn't involve running around? Or maybe I could take a painkiller and go back to dodging…. D'you have any potions which would help my muscles heal quickly?"

"None that will work instantaneously," Snape answered. "The potion I normally give you after practice is fairly effective and should return you to normalcy in an hour or two."

"Okay, I'm finished for now. Can we resume-"

"May we."

"May we resume after dinner? You could go brew or something if you wanted to." Harry stood.

"Follow me." Snape stood and lead Harry back down to his cell. Harry stripped and stepped into the shower while Snape floated Harry's clothing out of the bathroom and left for the laundry room. Harry was tempted to follow him and demand a look inside, but he didn't want to press minor issues until after he had a successful bid for the most important one.

Harry took a long relaxing shower, enjoying the feel of the hot water cascading over him. He began to harden as he cleaned his penis. His thoughts took an uninvited turn back towards the memory of the night before and he released his dick, ashamed of what had happened to him. No. He wasn't going to let them get to him. He'd always enjoyed wanking in the showers at Hogwarts and there wasn't any reason he shouldn't enjoy it here. If he stopped pleasuring himself because of what they did to him, then he was letting them win.

He wrapped his fingers around his shaft and began to slowly stroke himself, concentrating on his pleasure. Maybe he would get sex tonight. He might even be able to make Snape give him head. He leaned back against the wall, one hand fondling his balls, while the other slid up and down his cock. He teased the head with his thumb, flickering over the delicate gland until he was biting his lip.

He closed his eyes and circled his fingers as he began to wank himself, using his foreskin to prolong the sensation. He imagined Ginny had joined him in the shower and was rubbing him off. The water would stream down over her breasts and over her thighs. She'd smile at him and say, 'Let me help you with that, Harry' and then she'd-

"Potter-" Snape stepped into the room.

Harry's eyes snapped open, his hand frozen mid-stroke, startled by the sudden appearance of the other wizard. Snape stood stock-still as he stared back at Harry before he quickly turned and left, his robes billowing out behind him like sails.

"Hurry it up!" Snape demanded as he disappeared from view.

Harry quickly wanked himself to completion, biting back a moan as he came, spilling his seed all over his hand. Feeling a lot more relaxed, he hurriedly rinsed and turned off the shower. He dried and then spread the towel on the rug to rub in the muscle potion. Snape hadn't returned to the room by the time he finished with the parts he could reach, so he grabbed the bottle in one hand and his towel in the other, and stepped out to search for Snape.

He found the other wizard in the cell, refitting Harry's bed with clean sheets. Harry's clothes were folded neatly on the table.

"Can you put the muscle potion on my back?" Harry asked him as he stepped over to the bedside.

Snape glanced at him. "Turn around."

Harry did so and held the potion to the side. Snape briskly stepped forward and snatched the vial from his fingers. He drizzled the potion on Harry's back and very clinically rubbed the potion into Harry's back, touching him as little as possible. Normally he was sure to massage the lotion into the young wizard's entire back, even parts Harry could reach himself such as his shoulders and the small of his back. This time, he only rubbed it into the areas Harry couldn't reach himself and touched him as little as possible the entire time. Snape left with the vial once he finished.

"I will return to bring you dinner." He strode off, not giving Harry a second glance.

Harry frowned as he watched the other wizard leave. Snape was definitely acting strange. Was he embarrassed over having walked in while he was wanking off? No… throughout the entire day he had been rude and distant. Before, Snape often touched him casually or engaged in friendly conversation. Now Snape seemed determined to avoid him.

Harry laid the towel on the floor and stretched until the potion kicked in and he could exercise without causing himself pain. He had the feeling something had changed, but he wasn't sure what. Did it have to do with their fight the previous day? They both said a lot of hurtful things to each other and Snape seemed the type to hold onto grudges. Harry stood and walked over to the bars. If they were to work together, then they needed to get along. He banged his cuffs against the bars, waiting five seconds between each deep clang.

"POTTER!" Snape bellowed as he stormed through the library door half a minute later. "What do you think you're doing?"

Harry stepped back. He certainly hadn't expected that reaction; Snape was furious. "I was summoning you. You said yourself that no one would arrive today."

"Are you dying?"

Harry frowned. "No."

"Then be quiet!" Snape turned to leave.

"I hurt my arm," Harry lied, determined to make him stay.

Snape paused and turned back to him, his eyes narrowed. "You did, did you?"

"Yes, here." He held up his right arm and pointed to his elbow with his left hand. "While exercising."

Snape's eyebrows drew in towards each other and Harry was sure the wizard knew he was lying. "Take this." Snape reached into his robes and pulled out the normal painkiller, tossing it to Harry.

He uncorked the vial and dropped a drip on his tongue before handing it back to Snape. "Thanks."

"Be more careful," Snape spat. "And put some clothes on." He strode off quickly.

Harry stared after him. Snape had changed completely since yesterday. Yes, he'd been a bastard the day before, but he had also been very careful to make sure Harry wasn't hurt. He puzzled it over in his head while he climbed into bed and relaxed against the sheets. He slowly went over everything that had happened since the previous morning searching for clues.

He got to the part with the three Death Eaters when understanding hit him like a bolt of lightning. Had he been infected? He always assumed you needed to have actual sex in order to get diseases, but when Snape threw Avery off Harry that time, Snape asked him if Avery had put his cock inside of him. Maybe any form of penetration was enough to pass on a disease. If Harry had been infected with a disease, then Snape wouldn't be able to have sex with him anymore which would make Snape very angry. Even if he was getting some from Narcissa, she didn't visit more than once a month at the most. It explained why Snape was irritable, why he was reluctant to touch him, and why he was now insisting that Harry wear clothes. Harry examined his genitals for anything out of the ordinary, but they seemed fine. He didn't really know anything about sexual diseases, so he wasn't even sure exactly what he was supposed to be looking for. He certainly hoped it wasn't anything too horrible.

Ginny! Oh no, what would he do? He couldn't bear the thought of infecting her. What if this disease had no cure and he'd never be able to have sex with her? He felt sick. He climbed off his bed and exercised to try to take his mind off the matter. Snape was amazing with his potions. Maybe he could develop one to treat Harry. Maybe he was working on one right now. Harry hoped so; he couldn't stand the thought that he'd never be able to have straight sex.

When Snape arrived to serve dinner, Harry practically flew to the bars.

"Which one do I have?" he demanded loudly.

"What are you talking about?" Snape asked, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

"Which disease?" Harry persisted anxiously.

Snape stared at him. "You have no diseases as far as I know."

"I wasn't infected last night?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Of course not," Snape moved past him towards the table. He summoned dinner for the young wizard, then turned to leave.

"Then why won't you touch me?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Why would I touch you?" Snape sneered before leaving.

Harry felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He wasn't infected but Snape no longer wanted anything to do with him? Had Snape lost interest because of what the other Death Eaters did to him? Harry returned to his bed, feeling too sick to eat.

While he would miss sex orgasms, that wasn't what really bothered him. He liked the casual touches he shared with Snape and the almost friendship that had seemed to have grown between them. Even though Snape was a bastard, he could still show a surprising amount of warmth and tenderness. Now that he was no longer interested in Harry sexually, he had no reason to pretend to be nice to Harry other than to convince him to train.

Harry hoped this meant Voldemort would no longer require Snape to sleep with him. But then again, that might be worse. Maybe he'd be given to and raped by random Death Eaters at Voldemort's orders since Snape now refused to do it. His stomach turned at the knowledge of how cruel they would be. Thoughts of what they might do to him ran through his head, and he tried to block them out. He could do this, they couldn't hurt him unless he let them. He wanted Ron. He wanted Hermione. He wanted Ginny. He wanted someone who would be friendly to him because they liked him, not because of something they wanted from him or something he could do. Maybe he should write another letter?

Harry slid off the mattress and pulled out Billy Budd and the myth book. He returned to his bed and cleared a space to work on his letter. He delicately began to remove the letters for 'be careful,' the most important message he wanted to send.

He was gluing on the 'u' when the library door flew open and Snape stormed through. He had obviously masked his footsteps, because Harry didn’t hear him stop across the tiles to the bars. Harry ignored him and focused on his work.

"What are you doing?" Snape's hawk eyes were fixed on the letter.

"I'm writing a note," he answered, knowing Snape knew perfectly well what he was doing.

"And what do you imagine you're going to do with that note?" Snape asked, an eyebrow arching. "If you think I will allow Strix to be near you while you are in possession of it, you are sorely mistaken."

"I'll think of a way to send it later." Harry stuck the 'l' in place.

"Incendio!" The remains of Billy Budd and the myth book burst into flames.

"What the hell?" Harry stared at the ash that littered his mattress.

Snape cleaned the ash away with another flick of his wand. "Your lack of intelligence never ceases to amaze me. How can you be broken if you are writing notes?"

"They wouldn't know when I wrote it," Harry shot back. "And they never look under my mattress."

"Just because something hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't, you idiot!" yelled Snape. "You presumably have a brain. Use it for once!"

Harry curled his hands into fists. "Why are you here? Get out. I don't want to talk to you."

"Don't you dare tell me what to do!" Snape hissed as he stepped through the bars and marched over to the side of the bed.

"D'you want to fight me?" Harry asked, raising his fists and rising up on his knees so that he was on level with Snape. "Because I will. Right now, without magic. Let's do it."

"You are the most undisciplined-"

"And yet look what I've done! I've fooled most of them, haven't I? They think I'm broken! When I'm with you I-"

"Yes, I know," Snape interrupted. "You haven't fooled me and you haven't fooled the Dark Lord yet."

"How do you know? What if he never brings Nagini with him? How will you know?" Harry retorted defiantly.

"I'll know," Snape answered simply. "I will return to brewing now and you will forget this nonsense about sending notes. You need to play your part completely. If you can't do that, I will lock you in the cupboard to prevent you from doing something incredibly stupid which would give both of us away."

Harry crossed his arms. "Just because we aren't going to perform for Voldemort anymore doesn't mean you can treat me like shite."

"What makes you think we aren't going to perform anymore?" Snape asked coldly.

"Oh." Harry frowned in confusion. "I thought you didn't want to."

"Of course I don't want to!" Snape argued with a sneer. "I've never wanted to!"

"You're a liar!" Harry countered, stung by Snape's rejection.

"You can't tell when I'm pretending, can you?" Snape replied in a smug tone, his dark eyes glittering with self-satisfaction. "You believed that I actually enjoyed... that," he spat the word as if it were a curse. "Even if I were attracted to males, I would certainly never prefer a runt-"

Infuriated, Harry yelled, "You've never needed help to get hard! You want to fuck me! You enjoy fucking me!"

Snape's face twisted. "You spread your legs like a whore for me last night. You sucked him-"

Harry's anger exploded in a firestorm of rage. "DO YOU THINK I ENJOY BEING RAPED?" he screamed, leaping to his feet. Ablaze with fury, he was shaking so violently he could barely stand. "DO YOU THINK I LIKED IT WHEN YOU FOR-"

"SHUT UP!" Snape yelled as he whipped out his wand.

"Or what?" Harry hissed, his eyes burning. His jaw and fists were clenched so hard they hurt. "What are you going to do to me? Rape me again?"

Snape's twisted features slowly slid back to his normal mask of neutrality and Harry could tell he was desperately struggling to get his emotions under control. "I'll take away your voice until you've calmed down if that is what I must do. You need to eat your dinner. You need to train."

Harry glanced over at the table which had been cleared of dishes. His food must've returned to the kitchen untouched. "I don't feel hungry," he finally managed to say once he calmed himself enough to speak.

"You will, eventually." Snape's face finally returned to its usual indecipherable mask. "Eat your dinner and I will train you afterwards."

"Why are you so concerned about me eating my dinner?" Harry asked suspiciously. "Did you put more sleeping potions in it? I noticed you 'forgot' to mention the painkiller you gave to me last night was laced with them."

"Don't be ridiculous," Snape scoffed. "Why would I put a sedative in your dinner?"

"How should I know?" Harry answered mockingly, crossing his arms again. "Maybe you like to wank while I'm sleeping." Snape could use a wank or sex; he was far too wound up. He certainly wouldn't be getting it from Harry anytime soon.

Snape's face turned an ugly shade of red. He stepped back to the table and slammed his hand down against the surface so hard, Harry jumped from the loud crack. He removed his hand and Harry's dinner reappeared. Snape stomped forward again, his wand out and pointed menacingly at Harry's throat. The young wizard held his ground, glaring at Snape through narrowed eyes, challenging him to just try and use his magic against him.

"You won't be trained any more tonight and if you don't eat this meal, you won't be fed again until morning," Snape hissed, his dark eyes glittering with fury. He turned and marched out of the room, a black hurricane of anger.

Harry slammed his fist into his pillow as hard as he could. As soon as his knuckles sank into the pillow, his emotional control finally broke and Harry poured his rage out into it, imagining it was Snape's head as he pounded his fist into it over and over again. It wasn't enough to quell the anger that he'd been burying inside him and he snatched up the pillow, throwing it at the wall. The soft thud wasn't in the least bit satisfying, so Harry stormed over to the table, snatched up a chair, and threw it at the bars. The loud crack that rang through the room when it connected filled him with joy and he marched to the sink and grabbed up his toothpaste, throwing it at the opposite wall as hard as he could. He grabbed the rest of his toiletries, throwing them at the walls and the floor with all his strength. His mouthwash bottle was last, and when he slammed it into the tiles by his feet, the bottle broke open, spraying his lower limbs with green liquid. The destruction of the bottle was the catharsis he needed and his destructive anger slowly ebbed away, allowing him to regain some control over himself once more.

Feeling calmer, Harry bent down and examined the pieces, ignoring the wetness that now surrounded his feet. The bottle's lid had cracked and fallen off when he threw it, but the bottle itself was still intact. He closed his fingers around a piece of the broken lid and the sharp edge started to bite into his fingertips. He carefully picked up the pieces, flushing them down the toilet while he replaced the bottle on the ledge of the sink. His anger had diminished to the point where he no longer felt out of control, he fetched the flannel and quickly cleaned up the spilled liquid. When he was finished, he gathered up the rest of his toiletries. They were all fine except for the soap, which was broken in half. He returned them to his sink, lining them up again, each neatly placed in order as before.

His anger now almost completely abated, he retrieved his chair and ate his dinner, forcing down the pork chops. Snape had given him mangoes for dessert. Harry picked them up and examined them closely before eating a tiny bite. He waited until he was sure they weren't tainted with any potions before eating them slowly to savour the taste. If Snape thought he could be a dick and give him gifts to make up for it, he was sorely mistaken. Even head wouldn't make up for how much of a bastard he'd been lately. Okay, maybe head, a lot of head and really, really good head at that. He wouldn't let Snape touch him otherwise, not until he made up for his poor behaviour.

The thought of Snape being forced to give him head until he forgave Snape gave Harry great pleasure and he finally relaxed. He decided to read after dinner. He examined his books as he lifted up the mattress and thought briefly about attempting to write another letter, but Snape was right. If he'd got caught with the letter, he wouldn’t have had an excuse. It was pure luck his first message hadn’t been intercepted; Snape would've got in serious trouble if the note had been found. Still… he missed his friends so very much… He looked at the picture of Ginny until his heart ached too much for him to think about her any longer. He closed Cosmos and picked up The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Replacing his mattress, he climbed into bed and settled under the covers to read. Getting lost in a fantasy world would take his mind off his current troubles, at least for a little while.

Harry read until he fell asleep.


[[Okay, so what you do you guys think?]]



Chapter 1 ... 40 41 42 43a/43b

Comments

( 72 comments — Leave a comment )
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
[info]lizziinvisigoth wrote:
Jun. 21st, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC)
Awesome as always!!!
cant wait till its done:)
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 21st, 2008 07:00 pm (UTC)
:D Thanks!
[info]jazzyknickers wrote:
Jun. 21st, 2008 09:17 pm (UTC)
...I think this is actually the first chapter I've noticed it in, like really noticed, but there's something quite...wrong...with Harry O.o His thinking...it's just not...quite normal.

(AND SNAPE IS SO OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT DOESN'T WANT TO BE)

Can't wait for the next update :33 Loving this so much D:
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 21st, 2008 09:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Haha. One of the real reasons why Snape is so mad should be fairly obvious to you even if it isn't to Harry.

Now I am curious as to what makes you say that Harry's thinking is not normal and that there is something wrong with him. I am trying to show that he's beginning to go a bit crazy here, but I don't want him to seem too crazy, you know. I'm wondering how well I'm writing Harry's mental state.
(no subject) - [info]effie_chan - Jun. 21st, 2008 11:03 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]kibatsu - Jun. 22nd, 2008 02:43 am (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]effie_chan - Jun. 22nd, 2008 12:48 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]kibatsu - Jun. 22nd, 2008 08:48 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]effie_chan - Jun. 22nd, 2008 11:10 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]kibatsu - Jun. 23rd, 2008 06:57 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]jazzyknickers - Jun. 22nd, 2008 12:09 am (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]kibatsu - Jun. 22nd, 2008 01:36 am (UTC)
[info]mostmo wrote:
Jun. 21st, 2008 10:33 pm (UTC)
I agree that there is something wrong with Harry. It almost feels as if he's already broken because he is not really affected by torture and rape anymore. Somehow the fact that he is able to think about having an intimate relationship with Ginny after all he’s been through is quite disturbing.
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 21st, 2008 11:15 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't say he is unaffected by it. He claims it doesn't bother him, but you should be able to tell that he is really upset if I've written it right. Harry and Snape are both in denial in this chapter. I think Harry would really cling to the idea of being with GInny because of all the normality she represents. He wants a normal life more than anything else in the world and he can't stand the idea that he might never have that.
(no subject) - [info]whitestar_alpha - Jun. 21st, 2008 11:36 pm (UTC)
[info]bitofaspaz wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 03:06 am (UTC)
This is my absolute favourite wip. Another wonderful chapter. I love the character development in your writing and how easily I'm able to get into them. Thank you brightening up my evening!
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 07:15 am (UTC)
Thank you for the comment! I hope you enjoy the upcoming chapters as well!
[info]dixiebell12 wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 03:19 am (UTC)
*squee* Finally *G* I have been so looking forward to another chapter.

Poor Snape, he's so jealous. I am curious though, why doesn't he get jealous of Ginny? Is she still alive? (cough cough hope not). Something seems up with that, he gets pissed at the blond deatheater, but he puts Ginny's picture in a book for Harry. So I'm thinking maybe Snape knows Ginny will never be a threat, because she's dead, but he doesn't want Harry to fall apart so he doesn't tell him.

Awesome chapter and I will be patiently (trying) waiting for the next one.

Hugs,
Dixiebell
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 07:16 am (UTC)
Well, it isn't really the same with Ginny. But Snape and Harry will have a conversation about Ginny later and you will know what Snape thinks of her and Harry....
(no subject) - [info]effie_chan - Jun. 22nd, 2008 12:53 pm (UTC)
[info]rhiannon_black wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 03:50 am (UTC)
Does Snape have the least little clue how easily he could destroy Harry and all the work they've been doing? Harry's hanging on by a thread, Snape's his only support system. The last thing he needs is to deal with Snape's jealousy, "you sucked him." Well, excuse me, Professor, just what was he supposed to do under the circumstances?

Please, update soon. I can't get enough of this story.
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 07:20 am (UTC)
Yeah, he's being hypocritical. And yes, he is harming Harry by being so cruel to him. Does he expect Harry to agree to have sex with Snape while he's acting like this? To just blindly follow Snape's plans while he's being an asshole? Snape needs to improve his treatment of Harry or else things are going to go to hell real fast.
[info]thekatandmonkey wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 06:18 am (UTC)
The Kat: Both Snape and Harry deal with their anger in highly unhealthy ways.

Monkey: Yeah we once saw a great episode of Penn & Teller's BS Anger Managment and according to doctors taking your amger out on even a pillow is stupid and anyone that tells you it's good for you is full of shit.

The Kat: Basicly what they had to say was the more you react to anger with violence the more violent behavior it will leave within you. Penn & Teller did their own experiment with people they purposely but secretly to the subjects made angry. One group had pillows to punch the other was given time to cool off. After a time they were given a puzzle to do, you know fill in the missing letters and make a word.

Monkey: Pillow people went crazy and made hate and angry words like rape and stuff like that while cools guys wrote things like rope and other none scary words.

The Kat: But still keep up the good work.

Monkey: YEAH! Write again soon oh and might I suggest the story Ashes of Armageddon really good story.
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 07:03 am (UTC)
Yes, it's terrible for you, which is why I wrote Harry as becoming more angry after he punched the pillow. What finally calmed him down is seeing the mouthwash bottle destroyed. He subconsciously realised how pointless and destructive his rage was and got it under control again.

Also, sitting around and talking about your misery is terrible for you too (although not as bad). People after 911 who spent a lot of time in therapy and talking about their feelings were worse off than those who just went on with their lives. I think a lot of modern depression results from people who make mountains out of mole hills and focus on their negative emotions instead of letting them go.

I have my own technique where I get super mad/sad/etc for a brief period (i'll run through all the stages of grief or whatever in about 10 minutes) and then I will be over it and completely calm and collected. I've been in some crazy ass situations and had some terrible experiences, but despite my mental problems, I am mentally happier and healthier than most people and I do it all without drugs, just by controlling my mood.

Snape's technique could work if he let himself have the emotions fully but briefly and then ignored them and made them go away. Instead he dwells on them. Burying them but not releasing them. That's what causes the explosions we see in the third book and in t his fic. He holds onto his anger and on the past. Harry does the same himself. We can see his anger throughout this chapter despite his attempts to push it away.

I saw that fic on HPfandom but I don't read BDSM fics (although I have found a select few I enjoy).
[info]vtforpedro wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 09:49 am (UTC)
i don't remember if i've commented before or not D: i absolutely love this story and i was very excited to see an update for it today!

Harry really is kind of losing it, isn't he? still stubborn as hell though, which is something i love about him

i want to ask you to tell me everything you have planned for this story cause i'm so excited to see it, but then again, i want to be surprised ;-;
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 22nd, 2008 10:06 am (UTC)
Not to a story post! I'm glad you like it.

Yeah, but he's strong. It'll take a lot to break him.

There is so much planned for this story. Lots more yet to come, especially with the Snape version.
[info]lishel_fracrium wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
this is brilliant. more please?
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 23rd, 2008 07:12 pm (UTC)
I'm writing as fast as I can!
[info]rhiandra wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 01:11 am (UTC)
I thought I knew where Snape was in his feelings for Harry, but now I'm not sure anymore.

Ah, well, still eagerly awaiting your next update.
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 01:39 am (UTC)
What Harry perceives and says to be true is not always true (although it can be). What Snape says and does doesn't always reflect what he actually believes, thinks, feels (but sometimes he's truthful). Furthermore, both characters change throughout the fic (and it isn't always linear).
[info]emobaker wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 02:51 am (UTC)
Oh no!
Why Snape, why?????? Why must you be like this????/
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 03:12 am (UTC)
Re: Oh no!
Alas, Snape is deeply flawed....
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
absolutely awesome!!! love all the angst and denial snape and harry are currently swimming in. and i do agree that as harrys only pillar of support, snape is playing with fire by letting his own messed up feelings of jealousy (which he steadfastly is in denial of) and his misdirected anger alienate him form harry.
harrys own downward spiral is quick to show as snapes support is suddenly gone. by judging him for his actions at the DE party, snape has left harry adrift in anger, shame, and confusion. its interesting to see that harry has come to view his relationship with snape as equals and not remotely as captor and prisoner...his denial of his extreme NEED to have a connection with snape is showing....not sure if i'm expressing my thoughts well at all here....anyway, love, love, LOVE your story and really look forward to more...any idea when the next posting will be? ;D
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Harry wouldn't be so upset by Snape's behavior if he hadn't formed a sort of bond with him earlier. If Snape had been a dick all along, then Harry would've been able to deal with it easier, but Snape was kind to Harry so Harry grew to rely upon him and trust him and now Snape has ripped away that feeling of security and is being cruel to Harry for Harry trying to do what Snape wanted him to do.

Harry does regard himself as Snape's equal. He didn't consider Snape as his captor or his master but rather his ally. He's not going to let Snape treat him like shit.

I have a backlog of remixes I need to do, but I think I will put them to the side to try and get 42 out quicker. Work has been a bit easier lately so I might be able to get it out in within two weeks if I don't work on anything else.
[info]waterempress wrote:
Jun. 25th, 2008 01:45 am (UTC)
I like this fic but, snape is being really annoying.
Wow this is a good story. I't really ties your emotions into a knot. I usually do not read snarry. I this is good with the characterization. I have just started reading this today. I really agree with harry I would be mad and fustrated with him to. Please let harry get back at snape. And for some hotness. And for them to get into agreeable terms and makeup. Because snape is being so unfair. Please continue this and update again soon. Do you mind if I friend you? And I hope there is a happy ending.
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2008 12:44 am (UTC)
Re: I like this fic but, snape is being really annoying.
Don't worry, Harry is not going to passively sit there and let Snape treat him like shit. NoG's Harry, like canon Harry, has balls and won't let other people walk all over him. He is limited in how he can get back at Snape, but he's not completely helpless.

I don't mind if you want to be my livejournal friend. Thanks for your comment!
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jun. 25th, 2008 10:53 pm (UTC)
I don't think anyone has addressed this yet... since, after all, there has been a lot of explosive drama, but whatever happened to the first message that Harry sent through Stix? This chapter hints that Snape never knew that Harry gave his bird a message so was the bird intercepted by Voldemort or was the letter delivered safely? Could that possibly be the reason why Voldemort still doesn't trust Harry and why he's not "properly" rewarding Snape? Is that why Harry dreamt that dream about warning Stix to be careful?

However I loved this chapter. I was in tears at some parts...hopefully they make up soon. But, yeah, update soon!
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2008 01:10 am (UTC)
There are four possible things that could've happened with the letter:
1) Snape saw it and Voldemort saw it because Snape is working for Voldemort and they are both just messing with Harry.
2) Snape saw it and destroyed it and then allowed Harry to believe that the letter had been delivered. He maintains the charade of ignorance of the first letter in order to keep Harry's trust.
3) Snape never saw it and it was delivered to Voldemort, who suspects that Harry isn't broken. Since Voldemort doesn't know who is lying to him, he could be independently testing Harry and Snape to figure out their loyalties.
4) Snape never saw it and it was delivered to its intended recipients.

Harry can't dream about anything he doesn't personally know about, although he can dream about memories that were taken away. I wrote the dream to symbolize sex -- Harry desires it, Snape refuses to give it; but there are other ways in which it can be interpreted and other meanings behind it.

Thanks! I hope to!
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2008 02:40 am (UTC)
Another possibility: Perhaps Snape found the message, altered it, and then sent it on, taking advantage of the opportunity to manipulate the recipients. If I were Snape, I'd keep sending them messages from time to time, encouraging them to find the horcruxes. The recipients might well believe that the messages were coming from Harry. And all it would take would be a little of paper and toothpaste! Snape is a very talented spy, after all, and it's hard to believe that he wouldn't have been suspicious of Harry's desire to see his owl, especially after he left them alone together.

-wolfwillow from IJ
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2008 04:37 am (UTC)
By establishing and maintaining contact with Ron and Hermione, Snape would gain many advantages. In addition to getting them to hunt the Horcruxes (if he so desires), he could also stop them from attempting to rescue Harry. Since Ron and Hermione mistrust Snape, it would be best for Snape to convince them that they are interacting with Harry.
[info]nice_girls_play wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
*Fantastic* chapter. I love how the rough edges are left on both characters. It's interesting how we, as readers, have the perspective of being able to read in between the lines of character behavior while other characters can't necessarily. Chances are a normal 17-year-old wouldn't make the leap to acknowledging a 38-year-old man's jealousy (or even their own).

And, being the bibliophile that I am, I'm fascinated that it was Billy Budd that went up in flames.
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 27th, 2008 03:02 am (UTC)
Thank you. Harry's convinced that Snape's straight and banging Narcissa. It fits with his world view of Snape and it's what he subconsciously wanted for a while (he preferred Snape to be straight before).

Billy's Budd influence isn't over yet!
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jun. 29th, 2008 12:38 pm (UTC)
it's been 8 whole days....i'm dying for an update...please forgive the whine....blame it on you totally addictive storyline!!...please do update soon! :)
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jun. 29th, 2008 08:12 pm (UTC)
Normally its two weeks between entries! The chapter that is parallel to this is being a pain to write but I might be able to get it finished within the next two weeks.
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jun. 30th, 2008 11:07 am (UTC)
can't wait!!!... sending happy muse thoughts your way...:D
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jun. 30th, 2008 09:01 pm (UTC)
Actually, if you think about it, writing a full completed and polished chapter in two weeks is really quick. In fact, I think you may be writing this at the same speed or faster as JKR (if you factor in how much time it takes for each book to come out and substract that by the six monthes it takes for printing and other adminstrative red tape.) Anyway, I love, love the story. Hopefully the next chapter comes out soon. =)
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jul. 1st, 2008 06:26 am (UTC)
I wrote the first thirty chapters (~150k words) in 46 days (Oct 13 to Nov 28). Waaaaay too fast (about 9 pages in word /day).

I then took a break, started posting my work. I didn't begin writing 31 until Dec 21st, and between now and then I've written a mere 100k or so words (chapters 31-51).

I can't wait to post the next part :D
(no subject) - [info]kibatsu - Jul. 1st, 2008 06:43 am (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]clauclauclaudia - Jul. 4th, 2008 03:45 am (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]kibatsu - Jul. 4th, 2008 04:26 am (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]clauclauclaudia - Jul. 4th, 2008 05:02 am (UTC)
(no subject) - [info]kibatsu - Jul. 10th, 2008 06:55 pm (UTC)
[info]tamsoony wrote:
Jul. 1st, 2008 05:54 am (UTC)
Want more want more want moreeee. *stomps up and down* I liked angry frustrated Harry. Cant wait for the next chapter.
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jul. 1st, 2008 06:11 am (UTC)
hehehe. He's been remarkably well-behaved but there's only so much a boy can take.
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jul. 1st, 2008 08:33 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm glad you started to write it. Hey...isn't that what all people of note have said? That if they knew how much work they were going to have to dedicate into doing it, they would have given up a long time ago? So keep it up! LOL.


By the way, I'm a different anonymous person from the first couple entries. Sorry, I just wanted to clarify.
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jul. 1st, 2008 11:53 pm (UTC)
I wonder how many different anon people are here, responding to my posts. One of them I now correspond with by email. I bet there are also loads of lurkers who never say anything because they are afraid to comment in case they don't like where the fic is going.

Now that I've started writing I've grown more confident and I like writing (although I still get frustrated when I compare my work to better stories). But if I had been told that it would take more than a year to write it (what it's looking like now for the whole series), then I would've found some other hobby to occupy my time in boring meetings.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Jul. 1st, 2008 11:59 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jul. 2nd, 2008 02:30 am (UTC)
Hehe, count another anon here. I've commented once before, but I haven't in the last two/three chapters because if I tried, it would just be a really long comment raving about how much I love you and your story. :)

I seriously cannot express my adoration for your story in words. GUHHH.

I love snape and harry, but I hate when they are both being incredibly stubborn. ESPECIALLY SNAPE, UGHHHH. I'm thinking that Snape probably thought Harry enjoyed it, and assumed that he was reading all of Harry's signals wrong, and that Harry likes sex in general, not sex with HIM. So he's making Harry wear clothes and apply the ointment himself so Snape won't be tempted to take advantage of him. Or something. I'm probably wrong, but meh.

"Didn't you see how well I performed last night?"

Snape's back was towards Harry as he waved his wand and the balls started flying around the walls of the room. "I did," he answered tersely. "But you still need work."


Hehehehe. Was this supposed to have two meanings? ;]

And I loved how the one day Snape DIDN'T want to see Harry wanking was the time he did see. (I still think he spies on Harry's "private activities," but then again, I'm just a pervert and want it to be true. :D)

The UST in this story is DIVINE, btw. Update soon!
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jul. 2nd, 2008 03:28 am (UTC)
hahaha. I love long, raving comments. I think the 'feel' of the story has changed as I've revealed more and more, so I am curious as to what readers think of these new developments. Even if all you have to say is, "I wanna punch Snape in the face!" I enjoy hearing it.

You are partially right on Snape. I think the meaning behind Snape's transformation should be more clear in the next chapter.

>.> I'm probably talking too much but..... remember how Harry though it was odd that Snape insisted on watching Harry in the bath but left Harry alone for hours in his cell? And how Snape's only walked in on Harry wanking in his cell twice despite the fact that Harry often does it in the morning: that one time when Harry was wanking under the sheets and when Snape was in the library reading books before he came back in. Furthermore, Snape showed up shortly after Harry broke that dish and also seemed to know that Harry was doing something he shouldn't be doing because Snape masked his footsteps when he entered Harry's cell in this chapter. Furthermore, in the remix 'random Death Eater/Harry,' Snape uses a device to monitor various locations around the house, including Harry's cell. :3

I'm glad I can get in a good amount of UST for you. It's hard, because they have to have sex regularly for the plot. But I couldn't write the story the way I wanted it to go without that sexual requirement.
[info]baebin wrote:
Jul. 6th, 2008 08:51 pm (UTC)
woman update for the ppl on aff, they're gettin sad
i'm impatient so im going to read ahead here. unless u tell me u edit them more b4 u put them on aff, then i'll stop. i've reviewed this fic 3x on aff, if ur curious check it out. <3
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2008 01:08 am (UTC)
Re: woman update for the ppl on aff, they're gettin sad
I do edit them more before I put them on AFF so it's up to you whether you wish to read chapters that are more or less edited. Still some mistakes and poor wording end up on AFF. I've got a great team of betas now, so I don't think I'll be doing much editing on chapters 41+. I wrote chapters 1-30 without much beta-ing which is why they need extra work.

I hate how you can't respond to reviews on AFF (or if you can, I can't figure it out other than responding in the next chapter you post).

Here are my responses to your earlier comments. I appreciate the long reviews and the criticism:

review 1: As the chapters only seem to get longer and longer the more I write, I hope that I will continue to keep your interest in long chapters. As this work is bigger than any book of Jo's right now, If I didn't make each chapter long, there would be a million of them!

I realise that it is very frustrating that Harry continually jumps to wrong conclusions, but he does that often with Snape in the books. Also, in some ways, he's right about things that the audience often gets wrong. He has very good reasons not to trust Snape at the beginning and to assume the Potions Master is lying about many things he says. The scene where Snape points the wand at Harry after the blowjob and Harry gets deja vu and immediately knows what Snape means to do shows that Snape has taken some memories from Harry. Perhaps some of those stolen memories were ones that reflected poorly on Snape.

Furthermore, Harry trusts Snape more than he admits to himself. He is the narrator of the story and I've left his version of events to reflect how he views them. They are not representative of a neutral 3rd party's reality. When I write Snape's parallel story, you will see how different a scene can be depending on who is narrating it. Harry says he doesn't trust Snape for a good portion of the fic but he also lets Snape tie him up, blindfold him, shoot spells at him, etc, without getting scared. Even when Snape is holding him over a bathtub and pushing him down towards the water, Harry doesn't actually try to fight Snape because he's not actually scared of him.

Harry is in this cell for a very long time, but I hope I've been able to keep things interesting and lively by expanding where he goes to in the cell and making new situations. I am very limited in the environment of my fic.

review 2: Since Harry thought that Snape was lying about his relationship with his mother, he put that thought to the side. Harry saw Snape call his mother a Mudblood and he thinks Snape hates Mudbloods since he is a Death Eater. Harry can think of no other reason for why someone would willingly become the slave of Voldemort unless they wanted all the Mudbloods to be killed/enslaved.

Harry doesn't make the connection with Lucius then because he didn't just get scared when he saw Lucius. Lucius came over and threatened Harry and then Harry got very scared of him. Harry attributed it to the threat and his knowledge of the type of wizard Malfoy was rather than removed memories.

It would be great if Harry got his glasses more often, but they are kept from him for the same reasons he is not permitted clothes while in the presence of most of the Death Eaters -- they are trying to dehumanize him. It's why they and Snape call where Harry is kept a 'cage' instead of a 'cell.' Snape also hides much of his true emotions. So much so that most readers even misinterpret how he feels during certain scenes. That's done intentionally because Harry is oblivious to Snape's true feelings because Snape masks them so well.
[info]baebin wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2008 12:14 pm (UTC)
this one's for the 32-41
10 chapters worth of commentary again so sry in advance if i get too wordy. i didn't really expect u to answer each review individually, thanx tho. nice to kno i'm not just talkin' to myself. no prob about not respondin' on aff, i'm too retarded to even post a challenge there, so u've one-uped me. >;P usually i'm glad wen i know how many chapters there are gonna b; helps anticipate the plot arc. but in this case i got sad b/c it's gonna end for sure now. i've gotten used t' reading this in 10 chapter chunks so 20 seems like nothing. surprised ur gonna write snape's side! at least wen it's over i'll get to relive it through snape. geez they abstain for a little while and they're at eachothers throats! that's extreme telling. can't believe b/c it looked like harry knew what he was doing snape thought he was too into it or sumthing. get him jealous and he goes frm greasy git too unbelievable cunt. at first i thought he whipped harry instead of fucked him out of compassion; but now i think mayb he was just in a jealous rage. the sexual tension is so thick right now. it'll b the perfect time for them to get more affectionate/emotional during one of there 'session'. or for them to have spontaneous sex for the first time. the more they hug and kiss the closer they'll get. i can't wait for that, they're so close to getting intimate! though neither would admit it. i'm really hoping that neither of them dies and they find a way to get together after the war. an incredible close call, but somehow they make it. the few really good snarry fic's i've read have all ended tragically. i think it'll b more challenging to write a convincing scenario where harry and snape stay together. i'd love to see someone pull it off. ...ahem...by 'someone' i mean u...^___^v i kno... i've mastered to subtle art of suggestion. hehe update asap brainy lady! <3
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2008 03:48 pm (UTC)
Re: this one&#39;s for the 32-41
Well, there are going to be 61 chapters of Harry's version, a yet undetermined number of chapters for Snape's version, and an epilogue. NoG will have a set end, but it won't be THE end.

Snape can be a real bitch sometimes, can't he? There is a lot going on behind the scenes that Harry is currently very unaware of so Snape isn't just reacting to Harry's actions.

They definitely need to patch things up or their next 'performance' is going to be quite rocky. Not to mention they can't train very well together if they are always arguing. I shall hopefully post 42 by the end of the week. ::crosses fingers::
(Anonymous) wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2008 05:01 am (UTC)
Ocean
I've spent the last few days reading this... So forgive the length in advance and if it doesn't make sense at times. It's one in the morning here.

So I blame you for distracting me while I was trying to finish writing my final exam. :P

Harry's decorum does irritate me slightly, because his behavior is opposite to my own. As a guy myself, I can understand his reasons for wanting more sex, but how... reactive and illogical he can be... It fits in just with his character.

I read a lot of fanfiction, and for the most part, they're all shit... As the majority of the fanfic world is made up of female authors, it gets rather painful when I come along a fic that has a decent idea behind it, but the writer's use of language and their lack of skill is just... horrid. And I've found fics that had a great plot, but the sex scenes were just... sickening. It was obvious that the authors had never researched the mechanics of sex, much less describe what an orgasm feels like.

And then I found this fic... and it's full of everything opposite to what I can't stand in fanfiction... The characters and their situations are believable, there is an excellent usage of grammar and language, full of intellect and puzzling details, and an amazing author who has done her research...

When I can get irritated at the character's behavior because of the character themselves, and not the author, it means that I've found one of the few rarities that I will always remember.

It's people like you who keep me from giving up on finding decent fanfiction and quitting entirely.

But anyway...

A few theories that I have (forgive them from being kind of randomly spaced out):

Regarding the Elder Wand: I'm wondering if Snape has the wand, but it is Draco who 'owns' it because of disarming Dumbledore...

Snape won't look into Harry's eyes during sex because they remind him of Lily... And Harry's face reminds him of James (Honestly... who would want to have sex with their worst enemy?).

The Frankenstein book was given to Snape by Lily and has an inscription that reveals something that would either royally piss off Harry or confuse the hell out of him.

I believe that Harry is rather self-conscious about his sexuality, having been raised by muggles. As I don't know how it is in the Wizarding world in regards to homosexuality, I believe it's safe to assume that they're not as uptight about it as muggles are.

... However, like most heterosexual males in that situation, Harry is responding to his arousal and attachment to Snape (who has been the only person that has shown his anything close to kindness), by blaming the one who is in charge of his well-being (Snape). I find it interesting how he thinks that Snape is gay for buggering him, but refuses to acknowledge that while he(Harry) identifies as straight, he is still becoming aroused during the intercourse. It's perfectly natural for a straight man to have a gay-sex dream, but Harry hasn't quite figured that out yet.

Alas, the confusing psychology of heterosexual men. o_O

-Ocean
[info]kibatsu wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2008 06:09 pm (UTC)
Re: Ocean
Hello! Fanfiction is never more appealing to me unless I have something else very important that I need to doing so I am glad you decided to waste your time reading my fic instead of cleaning your room or something else more productive :p

I am delighted that you are a guy and are reading my fic because I want to know what a guy who doesn't know me thinks of it. My male helpers read certain parts and help me with it, but most of those who are helped me are interested in me and I don't know how much they are trying to please me rather than give me constructive advice. My roommate is very helpful but he is horrible with descriptions. I asked him to describe an orgasm to me and he said, "It's like getting a very good massage, taking a nap, and then waking up from that nap." While I understand the feeling he is trying to communication, I think the audience would wring my neck unless I fancied it up. I do know that some of my work is a bit incorrect - for example, Harry always feels his ejaculate and is very aware of his fluids leaving his penis. All of the guys I talked to said that they aren't ever really aware of the fluids when they have orgasms. However, since a lot of females equivalate male orgasm with ejaculation and like reading it (I think it's the fanfic version of the 'money shot') I left it in and hoped that some guys do feel their ejaculation leaving.

Writing as the opposite sex can be difficult, even though males are not a identical and there is considerable variation within them. However, I have also noticed the distressing tendency of fanfic authors to feminize their male characters. As I do not like reading about even stereotypically feminine female characters, I especially despise reading about feminized male characters who are normally anything but. I just can't get into a fic when Harry (and even sometimes Snape!) cries more than I do. The feminization of the penetrative partner leads me to conclude that slash fanfic is mostly representations of hetersexual female desire translated into a male homoerotic medium. I think a lot of authors write based on how they wish guys would be rather than how they actually are.

Of course, males have a high level of variation and even though I have had a few boyfriends and watched many a gay porn, I am still occasionally startled by aspects of male anatomy and behavior that I have observed on the internet or in person. I immediately feel the urge to share this information with some of my female friends with whom I collect in small groups and discuss the peculiarities of the male anatomy. I'm sure there are males do the same.

I assume from your last comment that you are gay, although I do know some straight males who read (and write!) slash fanfiction. Either way, I would love to discuss more of this with you as well as ask you your opinion on some scenes if you don't mind, particularly if you are gay and experienced (I'm very nosy if you haven't guessed already). I do have some gay male friends that I ask questions of as well as a few online places, so if you are too busy or uncomfortable, I will completely understand and soldier on, trying to properly describe things I will never experience from the point of view of a person I could never ever be.
Re: Ocean - (Anonymous) - Jul. 14th, 2008 01:48 am (UTC)
Re: Ocean - [info]kibatsu - Jul. 14th, 2008 04:30 am (UTC)
Re: Ocean - [info]kibatsu - Jul. 11th, 2008 06:11 pm (UTC)
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( 72 comments — Leave a comment )